Welcome to Walmart!
by Airica Adriene
Summary: The Kingdom Hearts cast goes to Walmart. If you can imagine chaos, think of that times 10. Then add the bishies. ...yep. That's about it. ...New chapter June 8th. Yay.
1. Sora, Riku and Kairi Enter

Disclaimer: I do not own KH. And, unfortunately, I don't own Wal-Mart either. Or the items that makes appearances in the fanfic.

Summary: Sora, Riku, Kairi, and all of the other people go to… Wal-Mart! Yay! If you don't like Wal-Mart, well that's your problem.

Welcome to Wal-Mart

Chapter I

Sora, Riku and Kairi Enter

"Wal-Mart? Don't they, like, sell walls there?" said Kairi, staring up at the giant Wal-Mart sign.

"No, Kairi, they don't sell walls…" Riku started.

"They sell MORE than walls!" Sora finished. They all were standing in the Wal-Mart parking lot, staring up at the Wal-Mart sign with huge grins on their faces. Everyone around them sometimes stopped and stared at them as though they were aliens. I mean, who stares at Wal-Mart?

"Well, are we going inside or what?" Riku asked, finally taking a step forward. Sora and Kairi both nodded as though they were alienated. They all walked in slowly, absorbing each step. Others around them stopped and stared. Some laughed, others just whispered and pointed. After about fifteen perfectly absorbed steps, they were through the automatic doors and in the store. They were gaping at the giant store. It was HUGE! Sora smiled and walked all the way in, leaving Kairi and Riku staring still. He grabbed a cart and turned to Riku and Kairi. "So… how about it? Are we buying something or what?"

Kairi gasped and then pointed. "Oh my GOSH they ACTUALLY have Barbie Uno! C'mon, Riku! You lost my last pack; you're buying me another one!"

Riku groaned and reluctantly followed Kairi into the game aisle. That left Sora with his Wal-Mart cart. That was when he noticed… the CD aisle. Sora grinned and slowly pushed the cart to the music aisle.

"Oh my… the first Sheryl Crow CD… but I thought… I thought… oh thank God this is a shopping spree with Riku's money!" Sora grabbed the CD, threw it in the cart, and walked down the aisle. And then he got to the soundtrack section, which was where he, Sora, had found the limited edition…

"You bought the Grease soundtrack?" Riku asked, picking it up from the cart. Sora grinned. "Yeah! Duh! That's like, my favorite musical!"

"Eh… musical?"

"Yeah!"

Riku rolled his eyes and set it back into the cart. Kairi tossed in Barbie Uno. "So what next?" she asked, examining the three things in the Wal-Mart cart. Sora shrugged. "Well, we aren't getting anything expensive, because it's _my_ money, but…" Riku started to say…

"DVD aisle!" Kairi called.

"I call dibs on being first in the aisle!" Sora answered, pushing the cart and racing Kairi. Riku rolled his eyes again. This _had_ been his idea. So he couldn't blame his crazy friends now. But later… oh yes later…

"Oh my God Kairi look!" Sora was pointing at a DVD in the aisle. Kairi turned around and gasped. "No…" Kairi was gaping at the DVD. "It can't be… and it's half the price…"

"What are you two doing?" Riku asked, finally walking down the DVD aisle. "Found Veggie Tales?"

"That was only that one time!" Sora said hotly. "And that wasn't Wal-Mart. It's BETTER than Veggie Tales anyways! It's… it's…"

Kairi pointed at the DVD aisle. Riku gasped. "Oh my god…"

"And it's half price too!" Sora announced proudly.

Riku smiled. He walked up and picked up the "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" DVD. He slowly placed it into the cart with the Sheryl Crow CD, Grease soundtrack and Barbie Uno. The trio walked away from the DVD aisle slowly. Very slowly, as though they didn't want to leave. Because, of course, they didn't want to leave.

About 6.5 minutes later…

"Aw, Kairi! Why not the make up aisle?"

"Because Sora, I'm not going in there so you can see the lipstick models."

"But… but I won't make out with them this time!"

"I don't care… I don't need any make up anyways."

"You need toner!"

Kairi glared at Sora. "And how do you know?"

Sora blushed. "I… I was looking through your make up bag. By the way, you might want to get a new eye shadow palette… pink? Not with those shoes…"

Riku whacked Sora in the back of the head. "Shut it Sora! Nobody cares how good you are with colors! We need to spend more money… and get the stuff we came for in the first place!"

Sora rubbed the back of his head. "Well you didn't have to hit so hard!" Riku groaned. Kairi pointed. "Hey look, it's the plant aisle!"

"Uh… Kairi, you go ahead. We'll meet you in the freezer aisle. C'mon Sora," said Riku, slowly backing away from the plant aisle. He had had bad experiences with plants (i.e. the plant aisle…) and promised himself he would never go down there again. And so far, it's been a kept promise.

"Come ON Sora!" yelled Riku, speed walking away from the plant aisle.

"Coming!" Sora called back. He hopped onto the cart and rode it all the way down to where Riku was. Every Wal-Mart shopper in the history of Wal-Mart has done this once, correct?

About 2 minutes later…

"Sora! Hey Sora! Let's go down here!" Riku pointed at an aisle that wasn't really close to where the two friends were.

Sora was uncomfortable with Riku's decision. "Uh… Riku? Why'd you choose that aisle?"

Riku looked strangely at Sora, as if he were going crazy. "…because it's one of the top three aisles in Wal-Mart, beating the freezer aisle but under the candy aisle."

Sora gulped. "Er… okay then… your decision…" Riku continued to stare at Sora. He finally shook his head and together they walked to the second best aisle in Wal-Mart. They walked down the soda aisle, through the meat aisle, and past the produce section until they got to the aisle (aisles…?) that Riku was pointing at. Sora's grip on the cart tightened.

"Sora? Sora… SORA? What ARE you waiting for? Turn into the aisle!"

Sora took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, and slowly turned the cart, the wheels moving inch by inch into the…

…feminine supplies aisle.

Riku yelped. "Sora, NO! Not th-that place! I was NOT pointing there you idiot! I was pointing to the video game aisle! Not… not there!"

Sora quickly pulled the cart out of the aisle, pushed it into the aisle next to it and sighed with relief. "Thank heavens you weren't pointing there!" He sighed again. "But you know," he began, "I've always wondered what was in those plastic-"

"Sora, don't finish that question because I'm not answering it and when you do get an answer you'll have MANY MANY insecure nightmares about yourself and others so do me a favor and don't finish that."

"All righty then, I won't. I've had enough nightmares… anyways! Look it's the video game aisle!"

Riku and Sora smiled. Video games, for them, made the world go 'round. So, obviously, it made it the second best aisle. Sora ran over to the PS2 section. That was when he automatically picked up a holographic-covered video game… a game that looked oddly familiar.

"Riku!" Sora called Riku over. "Hey Riku, does this look any familiar to you?"

"Kingdom… Hearts… 2. Hm. I don't know. I wonder who all those people are on the cover."

"They look… like I know them. Except, who's that female-looking guy with the pointy brown spikes? I'm glad I don't look like him…"

"Ahem."

"Huh...? oh. Oh God…"

"Well first of all just be glad I wasn't about to answer that question of yours."

Sora gulped and laughed nervously. "Eh… okay. Well, how much is the game anyways?"

Riku looked at the price tag. "Let's see… 50 bucks! But Sora…"

"Please Riku! Please?" Sora put on his best puppy dog face.

Riku groaned. "Fine! But you owe me big time Sora."

"Deal!" Sora grinned and tossed KH2 into the cart.

About 1 and a quarter minutes later…

Riku and Sora walked out of the video game department, Sora pushing the cart. Both of them cringed as they walked past the… well, you know what aisle… and quickly got the cart to the freezer aisle. Kairi was waiting for them. She waved. "Riku! Sora!" She smiled. Riku and Sora ran over to see her.

Kairi peered into the cart. "Hey, what's that game you've got in there? Kingdom Hearts 2… hey who's that feminine looking guy with the brown spikes Sora?"

Riku coughed. "Its cough a Sora cough look-alike cough."

"Huh? Oh! Sorry… okay let's go do something else."

Sora smiled. "Well… let's go!"

The three walked away to the soap aisle. Meanwhile…

"Hey Kairi?"

"Yes Sora?"

"What are in those pla-"

"Sora! You finish that I'll whack you in the head with your Keyblade!"

"Oh… sorry Riku."

**Well that was it! I hope you liked it. Sorry it's a little… strange. And random. But once you think about it, it really could be worse. Next chapter… Leon, Aerith, Yuffie and Cloud Enter!**


	2. Leon, Yuffie, Aerith and Cloud Enter

Disclaimer: I don't own KH or Wal-Mart or Cloud's favorite songs (you'll find out soon enough) because… well I'm me. And me doesn't own really anything except… nope I can't think of anything off hand. Oh wait! I own Chelsea. Sort of. I made her up. Well you get the idea!

A/N: Thank you for the reviews!

Welcome to Wal-Mart!

Chapter II

Leon, Yuffie, Aerith and Cloud Enter

"Yuffie, why Wal-Mart?" Leon asked, jumping about five feet when the automatic doors opened.

"Because, Squall-"

"Leon!"

"Right, Leon, whatever… it's the only reliable store that we can get to without the Gummi Ship…"

"And it's a nice place," Aerith chimed in. "Maybe I should work here…"

"Aerith, don't even think about it," Cloud said, his eyes darting around, watching the people in blue coats. The Wal-Mart workers were staring back at them. It wasn't normal to have people like them walk into Wal-Mart… the workers were used to the normal sweater-and-jeans people (speaking of which, you can find those sweaters AND jeans in aisle…)

"Hey look!" Yuffie jumped up and down and pointed. "It's Sora!"

"And Riku and Kairi!" Aerith finished.

"Umm… ladies, no offense, but we came here to get-"

"Aw, Leon!"

Leon groaned. "Fine, but be back at the front door in about ten minutes."

"You aren't our mother, Leon," Yuffie said ignorantly.

"You think? I'm a male, Yuffie. Now are you guys going to say something to those three or what?"

"Yup!" Yuffie ran over to see them. Aerith walked over with a smile on her face. Cloud and Leon shrugged and walked away.

"So Leon?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you and Yuffie gonna do Saturday?"

"I'm not going to a restraunt with you and Aerith if that's what your thinking."

Cloud was quiet. There was an awkward moment of silence. Finally Leon shattered it like glass. "So, what are we doing exactly?" he asked.

"Not sure, but in the mean time…"

"Cloud NO!"

"I have to."

"Why?"

"We don't know what else to do. And it's stuck in my head and I can't get it out… you know what that means!"

"Please don't…"

"Well we're here and well…"

Leon groaned and rubbed his fingers on his temples. "Okay then, go right ahead, don't mind me, I'll just be mourning the fact that…"

But Cloud had already started.

_"All right, here we go…_

_Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I cant keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad  
Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
I replay it over and over again  
And I can't take it, I can't shake it no_

I can't wait to see you  
Wanna see if you still got that look in your eye  
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes  
And it's a shame that we gotta spend our time being mad about the same things

_About the same things…"_

Meanwhile…

"What the heck is that?" Sora grabbed his ears in pain.

Aerith started laughing. Yuffie followed. "It's Cloud," Yuffie said in between laughs, "he's singing."

"It's a little joke we have," Aerith followed. "We probably shouldn't have left them…"

"Yeah… well we have to go, hope we get to see you guys soon!" Yuffie waved and they both ran to the pharmacy area where Yuffie and Cloud were.

_"Oohhh but I think she's leaving  
Oohhh man she's leaving  
I don't know what else to doCause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I can't keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad  
Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
I replay it over and over again  
And I can't take it, I can't shake it no more_

Now that I realize that I'm goin' down from all this pain you've put me through…"

Yuffie and Aerith weren't surprised to find a large crowd around Cloud and Leon standing at the side near the medicine aisle, his right hand over his forehead, his left touching a bottle of aspirin. Yuffie fought her way through the crowd to find Cloud singing loudly with about fifty dollars at his feet. Yuffie grabbed the money and pulled Cloud out of the crowd. Cloud immediately stopped singing. "What the heck, Yuffie?" he asked. "I had to get you out of there, I know you were bored," she answered.

"All right, fine."

"Okay, so, you had some soda before we got here then. Deal with it."

"It wasn't just soda…"

"Okay, you had more than soda. Just cool off Cloud! Come on, Leon's about to commit suicide."

After the crowd is gone…

"Better Squall?"

"It's Leon. And I'm perfectly fine. Thanks. Cloud…"

"Yeah Leon?"

"You are one lucky person."

"Yeah I know."

The four stood there for a little while. "I think I'll buy some aspirin for the way home though," Leon said. Aerith smiled. "All right, well, Yuffie and I are going to get some stuff…"

"Yes I'm getting saltines," said Yuffie before either of the guys could speak up.

"…so you two can just, well, walk around the store, I guess," Aerith said with a nod. "We'll meet back here in about an hour…"

"In the pharmacy? No way! How about the… um… magazine aisle?" Yuffie said.

"Perfume department. Take it or leave it." Aerith crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

"Ugh, fine! Perfume department it is."

Leon and Cloud groaned. Neither of them wanted to be caught dead in the Wal-Mart perfume department.

"Shush you two! All right, come on Yuffie!" Aerith said, and they both walked away "girl talking".

"You know Leon," Cloud said, watching them walk away, "I'll never be able to understand girls."

"Me either," said Leon. "So… now what…?"

"Depends…"

Suddenly one of the women in a blue coat walked over to them. She had a cheery smile on her face, but in a way, it looked like she'd rather be dead then work here. "Hello!" she said in a happy yet strained voice. "Are you boys looking for something?"  
"Well, one, we're men and we're your age, two we aren't looking for anything currently, and three, why are you talking to us, um…" Cloud scanned her uniform for a name… "…Chelsea?"

"Because I work here, and it's my job… to… be kind and… generous," she said through gritted teeth that were sort of smiling. Chelsea pointed her finger at a guy in a long coat, not as long as Cloud's, but about knee length. She made sure only Leon and Cloud could see her pointing. She was pointing at the manager.

"Oh and by the way, you've got that scar there, sir! Would you like to have some cream for that? We have some right here…" Chelsea said, still through gritted teeth. Leon traced the scar across his face. He bit his tongue so he wouldn't say anything. Chelsea smiled again, and nodded, still strained. "Well, if you insist. How about you two go into the yarn section?" She enunciated the yarn. She pointed down the long (hallway?). "Aisle 6," she said. "And have a great day from us at Wal-Mart!"

"Right… you too," Cloud said. "C'mon Leon, she said aisle 6, and we've got nothing else left to do…"

"Fine," Leon said, and they both walked to the sewing aisle.

In the sewing aisle…

"Hey, hey Cloud!" Leon said, trying to keep his voice low. "Um… so that's yarn?"

"Yeah, basically." Cloud picked up a ball of black and white yarn and tossed it into the air. "I'm not sure what it's for, but it's really… it's really… well… um…"

"Fluffy?"

"Yeah. Um… fluffy."

"You've never said that have you?"

"Well… no. I haven't."

"You've never said the word fluffy."

"No."

"Okay never mind. Umm… wow. They have a wide selection of colors."

"Yeah. They do."

"And they're really nice color."

"Yeah. They are."

"Can you say something more… well more words in the sentence please?"

"We need to buy some of this yarn."

"Yeah. We do."

"Leon!"

"Sorry. What colors?"

Cloud shrugged. "Whatever looks good. But Leon… what are we going to use the yarn for?"

"Well… that's for us to figure out. Later." Leon picked up a blue ball of yarn. Cloud picked up a black ball of yarn. That's when Cloud noticed… "Squall…"

"Leon."

"Leon… I think we're going to need a cart."

**Okay that was chapter 2… BTW thank you so much for all of the rapid reviews if I haven't said that before! I think I have… next chapter… Please Welcome Roxas, Axel, Marluxia and Demyx!**


	3. Welcome Axel, Roxas, Marluxia and Demyx!

Disclaimer: I don't own… well, basically, any of the things that pop up in here and the basics Kingdom Hearts and Wal-Mart. Well I do own a little Tic Tac container… that counts, right? I made up the Wal-Mart workers and their names.

Welcome to Wal-Mart!

Chapter III

Demyx, Marluxia, Axel and Roxas Come In

"Sweet. Wal-Mart." Roxas said as they walked through the automatic doors.

"Yeah and it has a smiley face for a trademark-logo!" Marluxia said sarcastically. "Come ON Axel, why Wal-Mart? Why did we come here? Why do you need this camera and tape so bad?"

"We have GOT to get back at Xigbar! This time, blackmail!"

"We blackmailed him last time, Axel," said Roxas.. "There has to be something else. They have everything at Wal-Mart!"

"Sure they do," Demyx said, rolling his eyes. "Rock on."

"Would you stop saying that!" Marluxia said in frustration, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. "It is seriously getting on my nerves!"

Demyx groaned. Axel had to pick him. Demyx usually was annoyed by all of the Organization XIII but Marluxia was sometimes the worst. Sometimes as in Axel was the worst. And Roxas wasn't far behind.

"Axel, Xemnas will kill us, and Xigbar will… well he will…" Roxas thought this over for a moment. "Well he'll do the same!"

"He can't kill us. We don't truly exist remember?"

"And yet you are so encouraging Axel!"

"Just stating the facts!"

Roxas shrugged and the four walked over to a Wal-Mart worker. He was short but fairly young, and all four, including Roxas towered over him. He cringed.

"H-hey Wal-Mart shoppers…" he stuttered, "...can I help you?"

"Yes, could you please lead us to where cameras and video tapes are?" Axel asked.

"Oh… sure." The worker lead them to aisle 9, the electronic aisle.

"Thank you… um… Joe!" Axel said. Joe nodded and quickly got away. "Um… Axel… since when did you say 'please' and 'thank you'?" asked Marluxia.

"Um… I don't know, did I?"

"Yeah."

"Weird," Axel said. He shrugged. "So Demyx… Demyx?"

Demyx was over talking to a worker named Rachelle. She pointed over to a different aisle. The guitar aisle.

"Oh… snap…" Marluxia slapped his palm onto his forehead.

"Well, knew it was going to happen… right? Am I right?" Roxas asked, shrugging and looking at a digital camera that he could use if he ever was to go back to Twilight Town.

"Well I didn't! And anyways, this _was_ Axel's idea."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Roxas picked up the digital camera and examined it.

Demyx and Rachelle…

"Hey could you show me where the guitars are?" Demyx asked.

"Why should I?" said Rachelle, stacking shampoo and conditioner bottles.

"Because… I am the… I mean I've never been to Wal-Mart before, my friends made me come and so I want to know."

"That wasn't really an answer."

"Just show me already!"

"Fine. Aisle 12. Past the CDs and DVDs. Happy now?"

"Yeah."

"By the way, Tic Tacs are in aisle 1."

"Thanks for telling me."

"Anytime."

Demyx walked away in some frustration. Tic Tacs? What did she mean, Tic Tacs? That's just rude. But, if people did really think that, maybe he should get a container… and maybe an extra 12 for the rest of his close buddies.

Demyx slowly walked into aisle 1 and grabbed 13 containers of freshmint flavored Tic Tacs. Then he scurried off to aisle 12. That was when he found the best guitar ever! Yeah, I know what you're thinking, who knew? Demyx _actually_ found a good guitar! A-mazing! Insert sarcasm here! Well, too bad.

Demyx dropped the Tic Tacs and ran over to the guitar. "Oh my God!" he shouted. About everyone in that aisle turned around and stared. A random little kid picked up one of the Tic Tacs. "Look Mommy! I found some breathmints!"

"Honey don't touch them that psych over there is going to buy those."

Demyx picked up the guitar. He could afford it too! Hopefully Marluxia wasn't going to break it like he did his other one… Demyx hated those memories. But it didn't matter. New guitar! That was all that mattered currently. And the fact that he had to pick up all 13 packs of Tic Tacs… while holding a guitar. Oh well!

Meanwhile…

"Hey guys! Guys! I got a new guitar… rock on!"

"And you also got 13 packs of Tic Tacs… nice." Roxas rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the packs of Tic Tacs from Demyx.

"Hey! How do you know those are your Tic Tacs?"

"Because 13 isn't just a random number in your case Demyx."

"Well maybe it's just for Marluxia and Laxerene to share!"

Marluxia gasped. "Demyx! You take that back!"

"Fine. They're yours Roxas. But next time…"

"Hey guys I got a new camera!" Axel walked over with a camcorder in one hand and a tape in the other. "This is SUCH a sweet camera! You should check it out… oh sorry did I just ruin the Tic Tac moment?"

"Yes and I don't think I've ever heard you say sorry either… until now." Marluxia took his container of Tic Tacs and walked over to see Axel's new camera. "Whoa that is a sweet camera! Demyx… you're paying for these Tic Tacs right?"

"Yeah why?"

Marluxia clicked open the Tic Tacs and ate one.

"Hey! Marluxia! I'm paying for those! What the… you're evil! You know that!"

"Yeah. That's the point."

"What that I'm paying for them or that you're evil?"

"Both."

Demyx groaned. "You know actually I think you are going to pay for those Tic Tacs Marluxia. I have to pay for 12 others… so…"

"What! Demyx! I thought…"

"I hope you have money on you!"

"But I don't!"

Roxas groaned and pulled out a wad of cash. He handed a dollar to Marluxia.

"Um… thank you?"

Axel gasped. "Omigod Marluxia has MANNERS!"

"Hey Roxas," Demyx said, eyes wide at the wad of cash. "How'd you get all that money? You aren't even old enough to have-"

"Stop! Stop right now!"

"I was gonna say allowance from Xemnas."

"Oh… I thought you about to say… ahem something else."

There was an awkward moment of silence. Then suddenly, "Roxas you demented sicko! You're crazy!"

"That's nasty Roxas!"

"You pervert!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Why?"

"Because you're talking about yourself!"

"Oh! Burn!"

"Shut up Axel!"

The Organization members continued to argue.

**Okay that was chapter 3! We will be going to back to Sora, Riku and Kairi in chapter 4! Hope you're all ready for ICE CREAM!**


	4. Ice Cream and Chibis S, K, and R

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the workers and their names. No, I won't cry because I don't own anything until later….

A/N and RANDOM:

Sora- So Airica has made me an idiot.

Me- Hey! I'm a fangirl, what do you expect Sora?

Sora- A little kindness would be nice!  
Me- I'm being kind! I didn't let you finish that question did I?

Sora- Well, no… but I'll find out soon enough!

Me- Shoot he's right. Okay well off to chapter 4, Ice Cream and Chibis- Sora, Riku, Kairi! BTW I picked these flavors at random. Actually they are my fave flavors.

Riku- But I wanted strawberry!

Me- Shut up Riku. Yes, you are fine but I'm not a fan of strawberry ice cream. And I hate butter pecan.

Kairi- Darn.

Me- And don't ask where the chibi thing came from I admit it was random. My lovely muse chose Chibis…

Welcome to Wal-Mart!

Chapter IV

Ice Cream and Chibis-SKR

"Why are we in the soap aisle?"

"Because we rock like that Riku."

"Sora, yeah we rock and all but soap?"

"Well Riku you should be thankful! At least Cloud stopped singing… and Sora is right. We rock."

"Thank you Kairi!" Sora said. He picked up a box of Irish Spring soap and tossed it in the cart. Kairi picked up a box of Dove. Riku picked up some Zest. If you are wondering what could possibly make them pick those brands… don't ask the author. She ponders the question as well.

"Hey Riku!"

"Yes?"

"Sora wants me to get some other stuff in the plant aisle, wanna come along?"  
"No!"

"Okay then. Meet us back here."

"In the soap aisle?"

"Well… yeah, why not?"

Riku shrugged. "Okay. Get your plant stuff-" He shuddered saying the word "plant" "-and meet back here… in the soap aisle… in like about 15 minutes. Deal?"

"Yup. C'mon Sora!"

"See ya Riku."

"Bye."

Sora and Kairi walked away (well, Kairi was more skipping than walking) leaving Riku with all of the bars of soap. He shrugged again and went to the toys aisle.

Aisle 15- The Toy Aisle…

"Okay… this is awkward…" Riku said, finding himself in the chibi plushie area. There were way too many chibi plushies for Riku to bare, but he reminded himself, _it's better than plants, it's better than plants…_

They were cute Chibis (okay Riku's own opinion… but they're Chibis, sue him…) but they were all kind of strange. And they were ALL staring at Riku. Riku was really uncomfortable. Especially the fact that the one chibi plushie that stuck out of all the other chibi plushies was a Cloud chibi plushie. Riku panicked.

"Okay, um, what do I do when I'm freaking… um… where did I put that handbook again?"

A rabid Riku fangirl walked up. She was wearing a blue Wal-Mart smock with a smile on her face. She handed Riku his "Guide to Controlling Your Emotions and What to Do about a Chibi Attack: Made Just for You!" handbook and stood there.

"Um… thank you?"

"You're welcome Riku."

"You can go now."

"No I can't Riku."  
"Why?"

"I love you too much Riku."

"Stop saying my name!"

"Sorry Riku…"

"Shut UP and go away!"

"Yes Riku."

The fangirl ran away and out of sight. Riku took a deep breath and looked at "Guide to Controlling Your Emotions and What to Do about a Chibi Attack: Made Just for You!" Sora had gotten it for Riku one Christmas. Riku had been offended by it, but then he used it and it was pretty useful. Not that he had emotion problems or anything though!

"Chibi attack… chibi attack… here we go. 'If all chibis are staring at you, Riku, than you probably should be with your bestest friend ever, Sora. But he's probably somewhere you don't like, like maybe the plant aisle. In that case, get out of that area with the chibis immediately. But buy Cloud his own plushie.'"

No wonder Sora wrote this.

Riku slipped the tiny handmade booklet into his pocket, grabbed the Cloud plushie and ran. Where to run though? Freezer aisle? Eh, why not. It's not like any of that frozen stuff was going to ruin his body, so…

"Oh my gosh… yum strawberry ice cream!" (There you go Riku.) Riku picked up the box of strawberry ice cream, and wondered, _now what? I could have sworn I've done everything and I'm not going to wait with bars of soap for ten minutes. Um… vegetables. No. Fruit. Yes. Fruit. Maybe some strawberries for the strawberry ice cream. Ooh and maybe some chocolate! The fangirls love le chocolat… oh crap now I'm speaking French. Oh well. Off to the strawberries! Yay strawberries!_

Meanwhile…

"Okay, so, we have the seeds for my garden… what about a paopu fruit tree, Sora?"

"How about we go get some ice cream?"

"How about _you_ go get some ice cream? I've got to get some toner. And eye shadow."

"Purple!"

"Purple? Why purple?"

"Because it's the only color that matches with those shoes."

"Maybe I should just get new shoes then."

"No! Don't do it! Just take my advice, please Kairi?"

"Fine. I hate you right now."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't.'

"Yes I… omigod fine! I'll be getting that purple eye shadow."

"I thought so," Sora said. He entered the freezer aisle.

"Geez it's FREEZING in here!" Sora said, crossing his arms for warmth. "Why does the temperature always have to be like 10 degrees Fahrenheit? It's so cold!"

"It's the freezer aisle you idiot," said the same mother who had told her kid not to pick up Demyx' Tic Tacs.

"Oh. Well." Sora uncrossed his arms and went over to the ice cream, giving the mom a snobby look. "Okay, ice cream. Omigosh… Riku was here. Nobody ever touches the strawberry ice cream, except for Riku." Sora gasped. "He really actually took my advice! Yay! He does love me! I… I mean… as a friend. Yeah. Um. Well, anyways, looky there! My two favorite flavors of ice cream! Chocolate chip cookie dough and mint chocolate chip. Hurrah. Um… let's get mint!"

Suddenly a mini-heartless looking thing popped up on the mint chocolate chip ice cream box. "Sora? Why do you wan to get this flavor?"

"Well… because… I like it…"

"Well why not get chocolate chip cookie dough?"

"Because that's what I had last week…"

"You mean an hour ago?"

"Yeah."

Then a mini dusk nobody like thing popped up on the box of chocolate chip cookie dough box of ice cream. "Well why not get mint chocolate chip ice cream? It tastes awesome and you haven't had it for a week!"

"You mean like two hours ago?"

"What's your point?"

"Never mind. And shouldn't you both be on the opposite boxes? You each want me to get the other's flavor, so you should by on that flavor box."

"Sorry, we aren't good at physics."

"Huh?'

"Exactly. So you should get mint chocolate chip."

"No, how about cookie dough?"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"GUY'S STOP PRESSURING ME!" Sora yelled. Everyone in the freezer aisle turned around and stared at Sora. What the HECK was he screaming at? He's crazy, isn't he?

"Um…" Sora had to think fast. Finally, he pretended to fall on his knees and grabbed his ears screaming, "NO! It's those voices again! Make them stop, make them stop! Noooooooooooooo!"

Everyone took a step or two backward and went back to there own business. Sora opened his eyes took make sure no one was actually paying attention to him, got back up, and saw that the mini heartless and mini nobody were still there. Neither of them had mouths, but Sora could tell they were smirking. "Okay, here's the deal," the nobody said, practicing reverse on the box of ice cream for no reason.

"You can get both of us, but for a price," said the heartless.

"Sure, all right, what do I have to do? Keyblade fight? Heartless ambush? Ansem magically appears him and I squash him again? What?"

"No. Better. You have to ask Kairi your… girl question." Sora could tell the nobody still had a smirk on its face.

"Uh… okay. Wait a sec… how'd you two know about that? Stalkers!"

"No… it's just that we know a lot of stuff. We know all."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Um… that's off topic! Get the ice cream and ask her that stupid question that I can NOT believe you are going to ask and don't know the answer to!"

"Well sorry!" Sora picked up both of the boxes of ice cream. The nobody and heartless disappeared. Sora ran off to find Kairi.

Meanwhile…

"These are really ripe strawberries! They are probably the BEST on strawberry ice cream! Mmmmm!" Riku was walking to the soap aisle practically talking _to_ the strawberries. Strange, yes. But psycho? Never. Was it? No.

Riku finally got to the soap aisle, still "talking" to the strawberries. He counted them. There were about 13 in all. By the time he got to the thirteenth strawberry, he saw Kairi pushing the cart and Sora clutching his stomach with a sick look on his face.

"Sora, dude, what's wrong?"

"Riku! The… the pink… and the red… and the… the white… and the kids and… omigod RIKU make it STOP!"

"Kairi!"

"Sorry, he wouldn't stop asking."

"Sora I told you not to!"

"The mini nobody and mini heartless told me to! And that's why I have two boxes of ice cream! THE VOICES TOLD ME TO!"

"Breathe… Sora, take a deep breath… Earth to Sora? Breathe!"

Sora took a deep breath. He looked pale. "Never mind. I've got ice cream."

"And I've got chocolate!"

"And I have toner!"

"Well, are we going to get the thing that we really came for?"

"Yes… not yet though."

"But…"

"Kairi, the voices are telling me, not yet."

**Yes, yes, chapter four. You like? Thanks all for the reviews! Nobody ever reads my other stories, I'm so overwhelmed! Hehe, just kidding. Sephiroth's coming up in chapter five!**

**Sora- Sephy? What! But _why_?**

**Me- Because my reviewers love Sephy.**

**Riku- And me too! Right guys?**

**Me- Um… sure… they love you guys too.**


	5. Sephy! OMG!

Disclaimer: Okay okay okay! I don't own Kingdom Hearts… fine, or Wal-Mart. Or any of the stuff that happens to pop up in here. Let's face it… all I own are these pretzels I'm currently eating. Wait, I don't even own THOSE….

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks much for the love. I love you too. Okay, well, talk about the requests! You DO love me! Even if I don't own anything! I'll try to get in the all of the requests and suggestions, because of your Sephy obsession. People, people, people… (Okay, sorry there may be a tiny bit of OOCness so… well just some of the things Sephy says. Never mind. Just don't ask and read.)

Welcome to Wal-Mart!

Chapter V

Sephiroth!

Every guy needs hair gel. And some Extra Watermelon-flavored gum. And… well… whatever Sephiroth needs. Typical.

"God, I HATE coming to the store!" Sephiroth growled, his grip on his long, long, long, long, longer-than-Cloud-and-Leon's-put-together sword. "Especially this one… it's so hectic. I need a freaking cart. Excuse me, get out of my way! Hello!"

Apparently, even when getting gum and gel… Sephy's in a bad mood. Must just be the smiley faces that knock down the prices.

Sephiroth grabbed a cart and jammed it intentionally into someone else's. "Excuse me!" the mother who told her kid not to get the Tic Tacs said. "Billy… don't become Goth when you're older."

"I won't."

Sephy rolled his eyes and went back to his own business. "So… shopping list… shopping list… shopping list… ah ha! Here we go." Scribbled on the shopping list was:

_Hair gel_

_Gum_

_What's Left of Me- Nick Lachey the CD_

_Black-ish thread to sew up bed spread_

_Latest issue of Teen People_

He crossed the last one out. Cloud had ordered Teen People for Sephy, he didn't need another copy.

"So… hair gel. Or maybe we should start at the bottom of the list. Or the middle? Ugh. What the heck. CD here I come."

In the CD aisle…

"Here… Nick Lachey. Yay." Sephiroth tossed the CD into the cart (ahem OBLIVION!) and was on his way. "Wow. I'm good at making rhymes. I should write a children's book. You know I'm very creative," he said to no one in particular since nobody was really listening. "I could write a story about a boy with pointy brown hair who disappears from his island and falls into the darkness and finds a duck and deformed dog to help him find his silver haired buddy who looks strangely like Ansem. I mean Xenahort… I mean Xemnas… and his other friend that's a girl… his girlfriend! Whoa! I am good!" Sephiroth got a memo pad out of his cloak (whoa! Cool! Where'd that come from?) and scribbled all of his thoughts down. He slipped his memo pad back into his cloak and went on.

Sephiroth also picked up a bag of tortilla chips and salsa for a party he was holding next week. He invited all of his closest friends! But never mind that…

The Wal-Mart radio was playing Simple and Clean. Not Sephy's favorite song, but he liked it.

"_You're giving me too many things lately_

_You're all I need_

_You smiled at me and said_

_Don't get me wrong I love you_

_But does that mean I have to meet your father_

_When we are older you will understand_

_What I meant when I said no_

_I don't think life's quite that simple…_"

Okay, so he knew all the words to the song? It's not like he was obsessed with the song. He just knew the words. And it was on the Wal-Mart radio. What's your point?

"_When you walk away_

_You don't here me say_

_Oh, baby, don't go_

_Simple and clean is the way that you're making_

_Me feel tonight_

_It's hard to let it go…"_

Okay, he's obsessed.

Sephiroth pushed the cart over to the hair accessory aisle. He had a favorite brand of hair gel… but it was out of stock! So now he had to get sports gel.

"See, they have nothing here! It's crazy! I hate coming here!"

Sephy was angry. Why sports gel? Sephiroth didn't _play_ sports. It wasn't his job. His job was to… what was his job again? Well, anyways, sports weren't really his thing. So sports hair gel… not him. He wondered what Cloud used to make his hair so spiky? Or that Sora-kid? Not sports gel was it?

Sephiroth groaned and put the blue bottle into his cart. He looked down at his list. Well, he didn't need thread urgently… but he did need the gum. Badly. Nail biting prevention. He got that from Jenova. (Say what?)

Simple and Clean was over. Now for some Photograph- Nickelback. Sephy hated this song. He needed to get out of the store. Quickly.

Sephy pushed his cart into the checkout line. He picked up the gum and began to set his stuff on the conveyer belt (?).

"Hello and welcome to Wal-Mart!" the cashier in a blue uniform said. Sephiroth just mumbled to himself. The cashier began to put all of his stuff into a bag when he said, "you know? You really seem like you would be good working at working here in Wal-Mart."

Sephy's head shot straight up and looked at the guy. "Dude…" the cashier said. He handed Sephy his bag of stuff. "Okay, that'll be $569,243,000.01 please."

Sephiroth handed him 2 munny.

"?"

"It's something we use in our world. Hollow Bastion."

"…"

"Yes. Those two are worth a LOT."

The cashier got excited. "Dude I am so recommending you!"

Sephiroth slapped his palm onto his forehead. This was really ticking him off. Badly.

"Here come on!" The cashier turned off the light for the checkout line and pulled Sephy to see the manager.

Next thing Sephy knew… he was stacking bars of soap in the soap aisle wearing a blue Wal-Mart vest and a "Welcome to Wal-Mart! I'm Sephy!" nametag. (He couldn't fit his entire name onto the nametag.) He knew he shouldn't have gone to Wal-Mart.

"Why couldn't they just make moogles do this?" he wondered aloud. The few in the soap aisle turned to look at him. One asked their friend, "dude, you know what a moogle is?"

"No idea."

"Okay, well this is psycho. Dude, let's get out of here."

"Ditto."

**Okay that was the fifth chapter.**

**Cloud- FINALLY!**

**Me- Yup now we will be off to Cloud and Leon. No Aerith and Yuffie. Just Cloud. And Leon. OMG.**


	6. C, L, and a little Sephy

Disclaimer- I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Walmart or… like, anything except the plot line. Crazy, ain't it? Yeah.

A/N: Sorry for the delay! This chapter needed to be perfect… and amazingly I'm on a caffeine buzz (yum Diet Dr. Pepper.) And yes I added in a little more Grease, ya know, just for the effect. Fun. Oh. Just wanted to say: This Wal-Mart thing. Before anyone puts my use of fanfiction um I don't know thing into legal matters, I just wanted to say this has nothing to do with the… ahem problems and such that Wal-Mart has had. It's just a fanfic that happens to take place in a Wal-Mart. Just wanted to make that clear.

Okay here we go to…

Welcome to Walmart!

Chapter VI

Cloud and Leon 'nuff said

After a little while, Cloud and Leon had about 2 and a half Wal-Mart carts filled with yarn. All the yarn had made them so dazed, it took Leon forever to realize-

"Cloud! Cloud, we can't pay for all of this yarn! And Yuffie and Aerith certainly aren't going to!"

"Huh? Oh. Oh yeah! Yeah, I know. I mean, Yuffie took my fifty."

"Fifty? From what?"

"My singing." ((Hehe I almost wrote "sinning" hehehehehe… okay back to the story.))

"…huh?"

Suddenly Cloud had an idea. (There's a first for everything you know!) This was his best idea under little yet some pressure yet! He rubbed the back of his strangely soft neck while he planned out the most totally awesome idea. "Okay, Leon, can you sing?"

"Erm… yeah?"

"Dance?"

"All the way…"

"Did you watch Grease when Yuffie forced you to that one time?"

Leon sighed. "Dang it I knew this was going somewhere…"

Meanwhile…

"You can't make me do this."

"You have to! Look, I'll sing the girl parts."

"We'll look like we're crazy!"

"Yes, but we know we aren't…"

"You mean I'm not."

"Shut up. Anyways, I know you think I'll probably think I'm going to be wearing that outfit that Sandy wore, I'm eliminating that… does that make it any better?"

"No."

"Look, do you want the yarn or not?"

"FINE! I hate you right now… but, the only reason I'm not going to kill you which I would like to do so badly: for the yarn!"

Just a little bit later…

"No you are NOT making me wear that jacket Cloud…"

"Aw, come on, it gives it an effect."

"But it's so not my color! I mean, ask Sora. And, oh look sweat; I guess I shouldn't put it on… oh well…"

"Leon... ew sweat? Never mind. Put the freakin' hat on."

"No! No no no no no no no no!"

Then in the pharmacy…

"I can't believe you got me to wear that damn jacket..."

"Quit whining Leon, now do you have the CD?"

"…got it."

"Okay, put it in the CD player."

"Cloud, do we really have to do this? I mean, is yarn _really_ this important?"

"Yes."

"I hate you so much." (And then all of the Cloud x Leon shippers go "sure you do Leon.")

"I know."

"So very much."

"Hit play already!"

Leon reluctantly pushed the play button on the CD player and ran over to the opposite side of the pharmacy. After a small amount of waiting and an awesomely awesome instrumental, Leon jumped out and…

"_I got chills they're multiplying_

_And I'm losing control_

'_cause the power you're supplyin'_

_It's electrifyin'!"_

Leon was about to bang his head on the cabinet-thing the medicine was on. He quickly dug the aspirin out of his pocket and took two, drinking water from a lone glass on the pharmacist's counter.

"_You better shape up, cause I need a man,  
and my heart is set on you  
You better shape up, you better understand,  
to my heart I must be true   
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do…"_

"_You're the one that I want_

_(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey_

_The one that I want_

_(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey_

_The one that I want_

_(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey_

_The one I need_

_Oh yes indeed…"_

Leon's face was red. Cloud was too interested in the dancing to realize. So far they had gotten $6.01 and 5 munny. Wait a second… munny? I thought they were getting non-video game related American money. Hmmmmm. Oh well.

"_If you're filled with affection,  
You're too shy to convey  
Meditate my direction, feel your way…" _Leon was SO going to KILL Cloud when they were finished.

"_I better shape up,  
cause you need a man…"_

"_I need a man_

_Who can keep me satisfied  
I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove  
You better prove, that my fate is justified  
Are you sure?  
Yes I'm sure down deep inside…"_

"_You're the one that I want,_

_(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey,_

Leon suddenly stopped. "Uh… Cloud…

"_The one that I want_

_(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey…"_

"Cloud?"

_The one that I want_

_(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey… _whaddya want, Leon?"

"This isn't working… and someone's watching us…"

"That's the _point_ Leon…"

"No I mean someone that shouldn't be watching…"

The music continued to play. Cloud himself paused, then smiled mischievously. "You're right," he said, looking at the back of an extremely suspicious Wal-Mart worker.

"Get on my shoulders, Leon." Cloud turned to the brunette. "We Go Together" was playing on the CD Player.

"You're joking."

"No. Seriously. I have an idea."

About two minutes later…

"This time I'm seriously considering hurting you."

"Back off, pompom boy! You're lucky! You aren't even wearing the whole outfit!"

Leon groaned. His face was red. He was wearing a sweater that had the letter "S" on it. His hair was in a ponytail (which actually didn't make him look that bad, half decent maybe) and he was holding pompoms.

"Look, do you want this yarn or not Leon?" cloud was wearing an identical sweater, but the rest of his costume was actually just basic pair of jeans and tennis shoes. He stared at the suspicious Wal-Mart worker. "Get on my shoulders, Leon, it's payback time."

"Payback time? That doesn't make any sense. This is going to be payback time for _him_…"

"Your point being…?"

"Ugh. Never mind." Leon reluctantly climbed onto Cloud's shoulders. "You know what we gotta do, Leon?"

"Er… I think so…"

"Maybe I should say it. You just do the '5, 6, 7, 8' thing…"

"No."

"We've got to Leon! Come on, what do you say?"

"Gr. Fine." Leon began to shout. "5, 6, 7, 8!"

Cloud then began chanting, "Hey Sephy, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind! Hey, Sephy, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind!"

Sephiroth looked up from his stacking boxes of popcorn. Then he slammed his forehead. "Oh… my… Xenahort… you've gotta be kidding me…"

"Hey Sephy, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind!"

Sephy made a face and stood up. He walked over to Cloud and Leon. Leon hopped down from Cloud's shoulders. "So, what do you think Sephiroth?"

Sephiroth stared into Cloud's (rarely) cheerful eyes. "You want to know what I think? You really want to know what I think?" He asked, grabbing his again extremely long sword.

"Not totally…" Leon started, but Cloud elbowed him in the ribs. "Of course we do, Sephy. I mean, we put on costumes just for you."

"What makes you two idiots think that I would want to see you, much less in a cheerleading costume?"

"We thought you'd give us some money."

"Told you he wouldn't, Cloud," Leon whispered, nudging the blond in the back. "No, I actually think he's considering giving us money, Squall," Cloud whispered back, still watching Sephy.

"What is it you need the money for?"

"Yarn."

"You've got to be kidding me. Who asks for money? For yarn? This is what I get interrupted from my job for? Money for yarn?"

"Umm… yeah."

"……………………………………" Sephy's face looked blotchy from all of the anger. "Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Cloud said, motioning for Leon to get out his gunblade. "Come on, dude, I think we've got something nasty coming up here…"

Leon took his hair out of a ponytail and drew out his gunblade. Suddenly the entire crowd in Wal-Mart began chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Time to do this the right way," Sephiroth shouted, pointing his (LONG) sword at Leon. Leon got his gunblade ready. "Let's go," he said. Then he turned to Cloud. "Hey, why aren't you doing this? This is your nemesis."

"Good point. But, since I'm too lazy, I'll just watch from the sidelines. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Leon rolled his eyes and turned around back to Sephy. One of the kids in the audience turned the lights down, with a spotlight pointing only to Sephiroth and Leon. Sephy raised his sword, Leon his gunblade when suddenly…

"What are you doing?" The manager asked, walking up to Sephy.

"Fighting my nemesis' best friend."

"Aren't you supposed to fight the nemesis?"

"Yeah but he's too lazy."

"Oh. Hey wait a second! You're wearing a Wal-Mart vest."

"Yeah? So?"

"So you work here. You've got work to do!"

"I'm kind of busy!"

"No."

"Aw!" The crowd walked away, mumbling. The lights turned back to normal. Cloud walked over to Leon.

"What is it these two nice boys want, um…" The manager looked at the nametag "…Selffee?"

"Sephy. I mean Sephiroth. My name's Sephiroth."

"Right."

"Well, they want ME to pay them so they can buy yarn for themselves."

"What's your point?"

Sephy looked surprised. "My point? They want a WORKER to pay them so they can buy something that they should buy with their own money. That's a crime. At least where I'm from."

"And where are you from, son?"

"… Hollow Bastion, why?"

"Where's that?"

"I don't see how this is fixing the problem, sir."

"Are they from this 'Hollow Baschin' place as well?"

"Uh… yeah."

"You should pay 'em."

"What!"

"Pay them. They're your friends. Plus you get the money back in your salary."

"That's true… hey! They aren't my friends though! They're enemies!"

"Pay them or you're fired."

Sephiroth sighed. "How much is the yarn?" He said, getting out his wallet.

"Um, well, we have six dollars, so that would be…" Cloud counted on his fingers. "I think we need 800 more dollars to go. Oh and plus tax."

Sephy groaned and pulled a wad of money out of his wallet. "Here." He turned away from Cloud and Leon. Cloud clasped his arms around Sephy. Leon slowly backed away, taking the aspirin out of his pocket.

"Yeah whatever," Sephy said, trying to get out of Cloud's grip.

**Okay. Finally. Chapter six. Not as perfect. But chapter six.**


	7. Roxas's Lists, Axel n Roxas

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Walmart, Razrs, Yogos, McDonalds, Teddy Geiger, Jesse McCartney, Oreos, People magazine…anything in the fic basically. No Cheez-Its. Except the plot, I own that.

A/N: Yay chapter 7! Longest chapter yet. Woot.

Welcome to Walmart!

Chapter VII

Roxas's Lists-Axel n Roxas

After about an hour of arguing, the four Organization XIII… well, they stopped.

"Um… now… what were we doing here again?" Axel asked as he began to look at the camera again.

"Well, Marluxia called me a perv, and…" Roxas thought for a second. Then he said, "Okay, here's the deal. Let's split. Axel and I will go get what else we came for, then Marluxia and Demyx… well, Marluxia and Demyx can do whatever."

Demyx pumped his fist into the air and began to play on his guitar that he now realized that he should've gotten a sitar. Marluxia paused for a second. Then he walked away.

"Okay, now that we've got that situated…" Roxas pulled out his wad of cash again. "We have just enough money to get the groceries."

"Why are you paying for the groceries? You're, like, fifteen, and you have more money than the other twelve of us combined."

"Well, technically, eleven of you, since Xemnas has most of the money for selling our fundraiser stuff…"

"Never mind, I don't want to know how you got all of that."

Roxas shrugged and went to get a cart. Suddenly Axel noticed a paper that had fallen out of Roxas's pocket. A grocery list maybe? Nah, Roxas never, ever made grocery lists. Slowly, as if it were going to explode at any given moment…

_Boom._

…

…

…

…

…

Just kidding.

Anyway, Axel unfolded it. It was a grocery list! Wait… it wasn't a grocery list… it was a Christmas list! "'Guide To Controlling Your Emotions and What to do About A Chibi Attack', the power to control wind like Xaldin, Cheez-Its…" Axel continued to mumble the list to himself.

"Roxas!" Axel shouted. "What's this?"

"A list."

"Of what?"

"Stuff I want for Christmas…"

"Why?"

Roxas thought for a second. "Well, no one ever gets me decent presents over the winter holidays-"

Axel gasped. "I do _too _get you good presents for Christmas!"

"Like what?"

"Remember that one time, I got you a video game! And we played it for hours! Talking about stuff!"

Oh crap, Roxas thought. "Hey Axel?"

"Y-eah?"

"You caused a flashback."

Flashback flashback flashback

"Dang it! I have to defeat Demyx AGAIN!!!!"

Axel began laughing as he poured more Yogos into his hand. Then he stopped.

"Roxas?"

"Don't bug me I have to defeat these music note-nobody things."

"But I've got a question for you."

"Is it really important…?"

"…no."

"Then stop."

Axel sighed and began eating more Yogos.

…………….end of flashback.

"That wasn't much of a flashback, Roxas."

"I know, but… look, I just have a list of stuff I want."

Axel shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that, it's just that… you never make lists." There was a long silence after that. Then finally, Roxas sheepishly said, "well…"

"Oh. My. Demyx. Roxas, you make lists!!"

"Shh!" Roxas made a "calm down" sign with his hands. "I make them in my spare time, when we aren't trying to kill Sora or something."

"…you list stuff?"

"Why is it such a big deal?"

Axel covered his face with his hands and sighed. "Look, Roxas," Axel said, taking his hands off of his face. "Lists… aren't… they aren't cool, dude. You can't write it down. You just gotta think it!"

"That makes no sense whatsoever."

"Well, it should! Forget lists! You need to be more alert!"

"Uh…"

Axel sighed and threw up his hands, surrendering. "Fine. Make lists. I don't care. Not at all."

And with that, Roxas walked away with the cart. Axel groaned and followed his best friend to wherever he was going. Suddenly, Axel heard a familiar tune ringing in his cloak pocket.

"Right Where You Want Me" by Jesse McCartney.

Roxas let go of the cart and whipped around. "Axel please tell me that wasn't your…"

Axel reached into his pocket and grabbed his Razr (cellphone – duh), humming the song. Finally he flipped open the cell and answered… "Axel speaking, talk to me babe."

"Holy-"

"Xemnas! Hey dude, wassup? Everything cool at the Organization house?"

Roxas grabbed back onto the cart, almost about to pass out. What was wrong with Axel, talking like that? He was crazy. Absolutely crazy. Chaotic. But mostly crazy.

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay, sure. Roxas and I were just about to go get some. Uh-huh. Yup. No. Yes. Okay, will do. You too. Buh-bye." Axel flipped back his cell phone and slipped it back into his pocket. "Well that was fast. Hey, hey Roxas, you look like you've seen a ghost! Actually, you look like a ghost, 'cause you're so pale, but whatever."

Roxas gulped. "I-I think I h-h-have seen a g-ghost."

Axel shrugged. "Well, Xemnas wants us to get some ham and mashed potatoes for dinner from the deli."

"'k-kay."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Uh… yeah… yeah I'm fine."

"'kay, little dude."

Roxas slowly turned around and began to push the cart to the deli.

TO THE DELI!!!

"Yeah, I'd like some ham and mashed potatoes please."

A sigh came from behind the counter. "How much, sir?" The bored voice asked.

"Uh… Roxas, how much do you think Xemnas will want?"

"I don't know! I don't eat ham or mashed potatoes, I'm getting McDonalds, remember?"

"Oh. Right." Axel thought for a second. "Um, how about two pounds of each?"

Roxas made a face. "Two pounds of mashed potatoes?"

"You're not eating them anyway."

"Yeah but… never mind."

"Here you go," the bored, unisex voice said from behind the deli counter. Axel picked up the ham and mashed potatoes and tossed them into the cart.

"So?" Axel asked as he turned the cart away from the deli. "What… _exactly_ do you make lists of, Roxas?"

Roxas sighed and thought for a second. "Aw, I don't know. I don't k-keep them exactly them exactly."

"You just stuttered.

Over the radio in the Walmart, the song For You, I Will (Confidence) by Teddy Geiger was playing, and the line _Forgive me if I st-st-stutter from all of the clutter in my head _could be heard.

"Yeah, s-so?" Roxas said nervously.

"So that means you have more lists!" Axel said, a smile crossing his face.

Roxas's eyes widened and he quickly turned away. "I do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do…" Roxas sighed, and turned to Axel, blushing. "Okay, fine." Slowly, he slipped a notebook out of his cloak. Scribbled on the cover was, obviously, "Roxas's List Notebook".

"That's it?" Axel asked, taking in from Roxas. Roxas nodded, his eyes turning away fast from the notebook as he bit his lip with hesitance and embarrassment.

Axel began flipping through the notebook. "'My Favorite Games', 'Things That Make Me Tick', 'What To Do Today', 'Phone Numbers of Girls I Met Before the Summer I Learned I Was Evil' and… what the…"

Roxas turned around quickly, his eyes wide. "What?!"

"Number 3 on 'Things Sora Probably Knows That I Don't': why girls have pads and tampons… and why they're so embarrassed about it."

Roxas's eyes got wider, his face redder than ever. "That's a private list you idiot!"

"Well, you handed me the notebook, so it's your fault."

Roxas winced.

"Omigosh I love this one!" Axel cleared his throat. "'My Absolute Favorite Pairs AND Why.'"

"Oh God… Axel please don't-"

"'Number 10 – Marluxia x Larxene. Not my favorite, but it's totally canon. Number 9 – Sora x Ariel. She's too old for him. Number 8 – Hayner x Olette. They weren't together, but hey, I _was_ in a COMPUTERIZED WORLD AFTER ALL.' Roxas why is that in caps?"

"I was ticked off at the time."

"Oh. Anyways, 'number 7 – Sora x Selphie. They're totally for each other, but never hung out. Number 6 – Seifer x Fuu. Did I ever mention that I hate them both? Totally for each other. Number 5 – Riku x Naminé. I'm not a fan of Riku, either, but it's still cute. Number 4 – Roxas x Kairi. Kairi's hot. But I'm totally out of her league! Mwahahaha!' Roxas, you know if Kairi ever read that her feelings would be terribly hurt."

"She's not going to read it, stupid."

"Whatever. 'Number 3 – Axel x… Roxas.' Roxas!!!!!!!"

"Well, I like you x me fanfictions!"

"'I like the fanfics. That's the only reason why.' Oh. Makes sense. Number 2 – Sora x Kairi. Hello. Canon. And Number 1………" Axel froze. Roxas suddenly became very interested in his shoes.

"'Zexion x Demyx?' Roxas, there isn't a reason why."

Roxas took a deep breath. And then… "I saw a song by Demyx about Zexion in Demyx's diary."

"Oh my Larxene. You've got to be kidding me."

"No. I'm not."

Axel put his hand over his eyes. "Whoa! Thanks for the scary images Roxas!"

"Well, you have the notebook. So it's your fault."

"Gr."

"It kind of makes sense though. I mean, rocker x emo. Rocker. Emo. Doesn't it make sense?"

"Well, no, but… never mind. I don't want to think about it."

Roxas shrugged. Axel continued to flip through THE notebook as they walked to the snack aisle.

TO THE SNACK AISLE!!!

"Lexeaus wanted Oreos right?" Roxas said, picking up a container. Axel didn't answer; he was still engrossed in Roxas's notebook. "Number 1 on 'Reason's Why I Should Get a Promotion' – Because I am one of the best singers in the Organization! I mean, seriously, my voice is beautiful. And I have a Beautiful Soul to fit.' Say what?"

Roxas sighed. "It's a long, painful story."

Axel flipped through some more. "'List of Random Flashbacks That I've Had Recently'. What's that about?"

"I'm not going to tell you!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE IT'S MY LIST!" Roxas yelled with fury. Everyone turned around (well, the people that had yet to see all of this excitement at Walmart today. Wow, things sure happen fast). Angrily, Roxas jolted to cart forward and turned to the next aisle.

"Well so-o-rry." Axel said, rolling his eyes. Roxas was so temperamental. Sheesh.

A little bit later, when Roxas had finally relaxed and was talking to Axel again, Roxas suddenly thought of a question. "Axel?"

"Hm?" Axel looked up from People magazine that had some country singer on the cover.

"You know how you said, 'just think it?'"

"Uh…. Yeah."

"Does that mean you have never truly made a list?"

Axel shrugged. "Nah. But so what?"

"So… you've never had that kind of fun."

Axel gasped. "I have too had that kind of fun!"

"You don't even know what I'm talking about."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too…" Axel sighed. "Okay I don't."

Roxas smirked. "Told ya so."

"So… how?"

"How what?"

Axel sighed. "How do you make… a list?" Axel asked hesitantly. Roxas laughed. "It's easy. Come here, I'll show you." Roxas turned the cart around and to another aisle.

"W-w-where are you taking me!"

Roxas said nothing. Reluctantly, Axel followed.

TO THE GARDEN FURNITURE AREA!!!!

"Why are you taking me here?"

Roxas pointed at the lawn chair. "Sit." Axel obeyed.

Roxas smirked… again. "Okay, it's really easy. All you have to do is put down things down in order from favorite to least. That's pretty basic."

Axel nodded.

"So today in this lesson, you're going to make a list of your biggest ambitions. 'kay?"

Axel thought for a second. "Well, I've always wanted to be a doctor…"

"There you go! Now where would that go on '_the scale_'?"

"Scale?"

"Yeah. It's pretty important. Duh."

Axel sighed. "What does it do?"

"Level of importance."

"Oh." Axel thought again. "Well…"

"Well what?"

"Doctor would be number 2."

"And what's number one?"

Axel took a deep breath. "To swim deep under the sea with Ariel."

Roxas froze, staring at his best friend. "W-what?"

"Never mind!"

Roxas thought he was going to pass out. "You have… dreams about that, don't you?"

"Maybe…"

Oh my God, Roxas thought. Because he did too. But instead of running around screaming "Axel and I have the same dreams!!!!!!!!!!!" he calmly said, "that's interesting."

After a few moments of silence, Axel finally said, "Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"Do not tell ANYONE about this, got it memorized?"

Roxas paused and slid his cell phone back into his pocket, not finishing his text message to Xaldin. "Yep. Got it."

**OK that was chapter 7! Chapter 8 is… Yuffie and Aerith! (everyone moans) oh come on. It's going to be awesome, I swear. Who's ready for song parodies by Yuffie for Leon's birthday? Whoo!**


	8. Song Parodies and Chocolate Bars

Disclaimer: NO. I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Walmart or Tron or "Lost" the songs (list at bottom of chapter), although yes I did make those parodies. I don't own Superman or the Power Rangers either.

A/N: Leon's birthday is coming up! Yuffie got… er, made him a birthday present and plays it for Aerith! And then, by request, Vincent Valentine comes! Woo! AND we find out Riku's secret plant problem! This chapter contains a little bit of everyone. Okay, yes I know, I've millions of requests and out of all of them I pick this one. But I will try to do everyone's. Credit to Black-Dragon-Rock for the idea. (Now, remember – I'm not exactly what you'd call a Final Fantasy expert, but I did my research. So I hope it makes sense.)

Welcome to Walmart!

Chapter VIII

Song Parodies and Chocolate Bars

"Are you SURE they wanted 15 boxes of saltines?"

"Positive. Absolutely positive."

"Okay." Aerith tossed another box of saltines into the cart. "So now what?"

"You still need to get Leon's birthday present."

Aerith sighed. "Yuffie, I told you, I'm going to buy that on the internet. It's so much easier these days. Plus I could actually figure out who Tron is going out with!"

"Why would you want to know?"

"…I have my reasons."

Yuffie shrugged. "Oh well. Anyways, I already know what I'm getting him. It's gonna be totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally…"

"Just get to the point."

"…totally totally awesome."

"It's not your blackmail video again is it?"

Yuffie pouted. "Heck no. I gave him that for his last two birthdays plus Christmas and Hanukkah! It took me three months, but I actually know what I'm going to get him! And I'm not getting him anything!"

Aerith stared. That made no sense.

"I'm making him something!"

Aerith groaned. Usually when Yuffie made something, it didn't turn out right. Like her latest invention: the toaster oven. Looked like an oven, cooked like a toaster. It worked for toast, but not so much for green bean casserole. "What exactly are you making for him? He already has a toaster and an oven, so that's out of the question…"

"I'm making him a CD. Leon is really getting into music. So I thought, since I've got the technology, I shall make A CD!"

"That's nice."  
"Yes it is. And guess what?"

Knowing she'd regret it, Aerith asked "what?"

"I already have a demo CD! Do you want to listen? I brought a CD player!!!"

Aerith sighed. Why did she have to be stuck with Yuffie in the middle of Wal-Mart when Yuffie hadn't taken her medicine? It was just her kind of luck. First she died, and then she was stuck with Heartless, now this. "I guess."

Smiling, Yuffie dug through her purse for the demo CD. "Ah, here we go," she said. "You ready?"

Aerith waved her hand in the air. "Sure, whatever."

"'kay!"

Quickly, Yuffie put the CD into the player. Overly-excited, she pushed play. The first time she got so excited and pushed play a little too hard so it didn't play. Then she pushed it again. And it began to play.

_Happy Birthday Squall I mean Leon! _The announcer guy who sounded alarmingly like Goofy said. _This present is from Yuffie Kisaragi who wants to wish you a happy birthday Leon… Squall… Leon!_

Yuffie began to jump up and down. "Oh, my gosh I'm so excited Aerith!!"

"Mm-hm. Whatever."

_Are you ready?_

_We're bringing Leon's dignity back (yeah)_

_All them wielders don't know how to act (yeah)_

_We're bringing Leon's dignity back (let's take it to the chorus)_

_Come here heartless (don't ask, just go with it)_

_Just show me what I'm working with (don't ask just go with it)_

Then there was a really random disc scratching, then…

_Hit it Yuffie!_

_Yuffie-licious, definition, make those guys go extremely insane  
They always think they can beat stuff_

_Like they heartless but they can't_

_I'm the Y- to the U- F- F- the I- the E-_

_And can't no other person attack those heartless like me_

_I'm Yuffie-licious…_

_T-t-t-t-t-t tasty tasty_

More random disc scratching…

_I don't wanna do this anymore_

_I don't wanna be the reason why_

_Every time he eats my meatloaf_

_I see him die a little more inside_

_And I don't want to do this anymore_

_I don't people to be mad_

_Just because_

_I like my toaster oven…_

Disc scratching…

_Let's waste time…_

_Chasing gummi ships_

_Around our heads_

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you just go away Yuffie and

_Just leave me alone…_

A guitar instrumental began to play when Aerith suddenly realized, "…Yuffie, is that Cloud singing?"

"Yeah I caught him in the shower singing some really random song. I'm so happy I invented that tape recorder."

Then the ever-so-popular disc scratching then…

_My name is Cloud! Like the one in the sky!  
I have blonde hair! And I don't like to fly!_

_I love Aeris alias Aerith! But I also love Tifa!_

_And I don't know anything that rhymes with Tifa!_

_My best friend is Leon! His real name is Squall!_

_He's kind of angsty like me! And we both can't pronounce yoy  
Spelled y-a-o-i… (song becomes quiet… a shower can be heard in the background…) (someone is laughing in the background)_

_(no longer singing) Yuffie! Get out of the bathroom! And turn off that freaking tape recorder! THIS IS NOT FUNNY YOU HEAR ME!! (Still laughing in the background… Yuffie says something that can't be heard) YES I made that song up now GO AWAY!!_

Aerith stood, staring at the CD player. "What the… was that Cloud again?"

"Yeah." Yuffie nodded. "Well did you like it Aerith? Did'ja did'ja did'ja?"

"Uh… sure."

"Great!" Yuffie swung her arms around Aerith in a big Yuffie-hug. "Leon is going to love it!"

"Mm-hm. Yeah. Yuffie, get off of me. Please."

Back at the beginning of the store…

Swish.

Those automatic doors swung open. Everyone stared in awe as an ever-so-popular man walked into Wal-Mart. Well, not extremely popular (because then we'd have Tom Cruise walking in here and that would just make a total mess because Sora is like his number one fan), but still, another one of those guys with a cool cape walked in (no not Superman… or the Power Rangers… jeez you are the worst guesser ever!) That Riku fangirl looked up from her Riku chibi purchase and then passed out, overwhelmed.

Meanwhile in the soap aisle…

"Why did we back come here again?" Riku asked Sora as they both walked to the soap aisle.

"Kairi told us to. She needs more plants-"

"YAH!" Riku put his hands to his ears and fell into fetal position. "Don't say that word Sora! It terrifies me!"

"Why?"

Slowly, Riku got back up, and looked both ways down the aisle to see if anyone was within earshot. Then he turned to Sora and whispered, "They take my stuff."

"…" Sora scratched the side of his head. "Flashback please?"

"Okay, but I'm warning you, it's scary and full of graphic content."

Sora stared at Riku with a blank facial expression. "Riku, from what I've been through today, nothing is going to disturb me."

"Okay but I'm warning you…"

_flashback flashback flashback flashback flashback flashback_

"Mommy, guess what? Sora got me a mushroom!" A four-year old Riku held a pot with a black mushroom that had a weird heart-looking thing on its stem in his mother's face.

"Aw, sweetie! It's so cute! Why don't you put it in your room near the window so it can get some sunlight."

"'kay."

An hour later…

"MOMMY!" Riku screamed.

"What honey, what is it?"

"Th-th-th-the m-m-m-mushroom! It took my stuff!" The sniffling Riku pointed at the pot that was near his windowsill. The mushroom stared at the two innocently (well, actually, it just stared. Mushrooms don't have faces. Duh). Then Riku and his mom saw a flash and then… the mushroom was gone!

_End of flashback end of flashback end of flashback_

"See?" Riku hissed in Sora's ear. "It's TERRIFYING."

Sora scratched the side of his head again. "When did I get you a mushroom?"

"I lied. I actually found it somewhere with a note that said 'this is your destiny' in preschool writing. Well, at first I thought it was from you but then I remembered you had no idea what destiny was."

Sora mumbled something that Riku couldn't hear.

"Well anyways, plants torture me. They take my stuff man! Its torture I tell you! TORTURE!!!"

"Whatever, man."

"If you don't believe me I can prove it to you! I mean, I already did but I can prove it to you again! You know?!" Suddenly fangirl-attracting cape man walked past the two. "Hey Vincent!" Riku said.

"Hello Riku," the man said without turning his head or stopping.

Sora wrinkled his nose with confusion. "You know that guy?" he said quietly to Riku.

"Nope. Never seen him in my life."

Let's play follow Vincent Valentine!...

Man, this is a weird place, Vincent thought. I never should've come here. I should've just gone to Traverse Town and gotten a chocolate bar from those cheap-looking ducklings…

Suddenly, Vincent heard the most familiar valley girl voice ever on this entire planet. "Oh my gosh I'm like sooooo excited!" it said.

Wanting to discover if it really was who he thought it was, Vincent hurried over to the bread and grain aisle to see… "Yuffie!"

"Vincent!"

"Aeris!"

"Vincent…"

"Aerith!"

"Yuffie."

"Vincent!"

"Aerith?"

"Vincent."  
"Yuffie?"

"Axel," Axel said, peering into the grain aisle.

"Aeris! You're alive!"

"No kidding. God, when did she die?" Axel said, walking away.

Vincent began poking Aerith's arm. "Are you sure you aren't a ghost? 'Cause then I'd have to kill you… although you're already dead…"

"Yes Vincent. I'm alive. And what're you doing here at Walmart on this glorious day?"

"It's raining outside," Axel said from the other aisle.

"Exactly! Glorious, dude!" Demyx said, sounding faaaaar away.

Aerith quickly looked to see if anyone else was listening. Fortunately, it seemed like no one else was. She turned back to Vincent. "So?" she said.

"Uh… well I just came to get some chocolate. Man, you're alive! Gosh. I feel like I've been beating myself up about everything… well, not beating myself up, considering I don't have a scratch on me, but you know what I mean – ouch." Vincent looked down to see Yuffie squeezing him – hard. "Oh my gosh Vincie! I'm so glad you're here!"

"Um…"  
"Oh my GOSH I missed you!! Oh, Vincent!" Yuffie squeezed him harder. Vincent looked down at Yuffie. "Um… I… missed you… too…"

Aerith rolled her eyes and picked up a loaf of bread. "So you came here to buy some chocolate?"

"Yeah. I really need some. I need Chocobo food, too, but you can't really buy that in some alternate-universe Walmart."

Suddenly, Yuffie let go of Vincent with a puzzled look on her face.

"What's up, Yuffie?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just… pondering."

"Um. Okay. Well, I have to leave soon, I have a lot to do today-"

"NOOO!" Yuffie screeched.

"…why?"

Yuffie stared with big, creepy yet adorable eyes. "Because, Vincie, we'd miss you so much!!"

"Right. Um. Okay."

Then Yuffie's eyes finally became normal, but also became sad. "Fine," she said softly. "You can leave us. We poor, innocent people, whom you know you love, can be left behind in this somewhat deserted department store, so you can be alone with your so-called luscious chocolate bar. You know you don't want to leave us but yet you choose to do so-"

"Shut up Yuffie."

"Fine. But you know w-"

"Shut UP Yuffie."

"Fine. Be that way."  
Vincent stared. "Um. Yeah. Well, I have to go." He slowly walked away. "See you around."

"Byeeee," Yuffie said. Then she looked at Aerith. "So."

Aerith stared.

"You… wanna…"

Aerith shook her head.

"Okay." There were a few moments of silence. Then Yuffie began laughing. "That was soooo weird! I swear! It was like… weird!"

Suddenly there was a noise from her barely there pockets. Her cell phone. She took it out. It was a text message. She flipped open the phone. It was from 555-5550, a number she didn't know. The text message read:

_my man – this is bad. rox is in big trubl. help!_

Yuffie, confused, stared at the text message. _Who the heck is 'Rox?' _she thought. (insert that weird "Lost" music they play when something bad is about to happen here) Suddenly, there was a strange, desperate yell, followed by a group of seduced-girl screams. Yuffie looked up from her cellphone, wide-eyed.

(insert the drumbeating they play when "Lost" goes to commercial)

-

Okay. That was chapter 8. Chapter 9, obviously, will follow the text message, then we'll bring in someone new (Zexion anyone?), since we really need to mix things up. I'm so sorry for the delay; I got caught up in everything and never finished this. But now it's finished. The next chapter won't take that long to write, I promise.

Songs-

SexyBack by Justin Timberlake  
Fergalicious by Fergie

Unfaithful by Rihanna

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

And I made up the last one. D


	9. The Fangirl Attack

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or "Just the Girl." Or really anything or anyone you recognize in this entire fanfiction chapter. Just… nothing. No.

A/N: Okay. First off – HI. I MISSED YOU. Okay. Secondly, the first 'paragraph' (if you want to call it that) was written by me, like, a year ago. And then plans I originally had for this I honestly could not remember for the life of me. So. Bare with me here. I'm older, more mature, and sometimes I'm not that funny. But I try!

So………… vamanos!

Welcome to Walmart!

Chapter IX  
The Fangirl Attack

"AXEL! Help me! Man, help me!!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying! I'm texting Marluxia but he isn't replying!"

"Maybe his cell phone is off – OW! You IDIOT! Don't touch that!"  
"SING AGAIN!!"

"But I don't WANT to sing! Sweetheart, I'm busy getting groceries-"

"ROXAS called me SWEETHEART!"

There was a collection of screams from the bread aisle, followed by a continuous chanting – "Si-ing! Si-ing! Si-ing!" and several girls yelling "Call ME sweetheart Roxas!"

It was pure pandemonium.

"AXEL!" Roxas screamed again. "HELP ME!!"

"I'm TRYING!"

How did all of this happen?  
Well, let's find out, shall we?

_flashbackflashbackflashbackflashbackflashback_

_"So… I can make lists anytime I want to?"_

_"Yep. Just as long as no one else in Organization XIII knows I taught you."  
"Okay."_

_"So… why are we here in the canned food aisle?"  
"I don't… I don't know. How did we get here? Weren't we over in the garden chair area?"  
"Yeah."_

_"Weird."_

_Roxas nodded. "Well, while we're here, let's get food. Like canned apricots or something."_

_"Ew. No."_

_Roxas took a can of apricots anyway and tossed it in the cart._

_The song "Just the Girl" by The Click Five was playing inside Walmart, and from some other aisle, Sephiroth was singing. "Oh she's bittersweet, she knocks me off my feet…"  
Though that disturbed Axel, it reminded him of something. "Roxas," he started._

_"What?"_

_"You said… you said you can sing, right?"_

_"Um. Yeah."_

_"Well…"_

_"Well what?"_

_"Can I hear you?"_

_Roxas stared at his best friend. "Um. Why?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"That's a stupid reason."_

_"Shut up and sing."_

_"Um. Okay." Roxas thought for a second, then sang, really softly, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star…"_

_"NO!" Axel shouted, making a lady jump and drop her can of lima beans. (Good thing, too.) "Not that song. I hate that song. Sing 'Beautiful Soul.'"_

_"What?" Roxas exclaimed. "I'm not singing that! There are people here! And anyway, Jesse McCartney has matured, I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me singing a song from his past…"_

_"…what are you talking about?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Seriously. Sing it. You have to."_

_"No, I don't."_

_"Yes, you do."_

_"No."_

_"Yes."_

_"No."_

_"Yes."_

_"No."_

_"Yes."_

_"FINE." Roxas cleared his throat, and stared at the floor. "I don't want another pretty face… I don't want just anyone to hold…"_

_"LOUDER."_

_Roxas's face flushed. "I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul…"_

_Axel bared white, shiny teeth. "Yes, yes, yesssssss," he said as though he were summoning something. "Keep singing!"_

_"I know that you are something special… to you I'd be always faithful… I want to be what you always needed… then I hope you'll see the heart in me…"_

_Axel, with an insane grin springing across his face, raised his arms as though he were summoning some sort of power._

_Roxas immediately stopped singing. "What are you DOING?"_

_Axel froze. "Um."_

_Roxas stared._

_Axel laughed nervously. "I. Um. Wasn't. Doing. Anything. I. Just. Was. You know. Um."_

_Roxas continued to stare at Axel._

_Axel cleared his throat, then pointed at a nearby aisle. "Look, Roxas! Um. Crackers!"_

_"Racist slurs aren't going to distract me, Axel."_

_Axel blinked at Roxas. "Fine. Then. Um. …Jessica Biel?"_

_"OH MY GOD WHERE?"_

_Meanwhile, the sound waves have reached the chibi aisle, which was, as usual, lined with fangirls._

_"Wait," one says, poking her head around the shelf. "Was… was that…"_

_Another one looked up, listening. "No… it couldn't be… could it?"_

_A third one ran out to the main aisle way and pointed. "Oh, my god! It is!"_

_End of flashback._

"Roxaaaaaas!" shouts a chorus of fangirls, except for one, who unfortunately exclaims, "Setzerrrrrrrrrrr!" The other fangirls glare evilly, causing the mistake-maker to run for dear life.

Roxas yelped in agony. "Axel!"

"Be patient, Roxas, I'm TRYING."

Meanwhile. . . . . .

Yuffie ran up to Leon, holding her cell phone. "Hey Leon?" she asked.

"What?"

"Do you recognize this number?"

"555-1308," Leon muttered to himself, taking Yuffie's cell phone from her and staring at the screen. "Um… no, I don't." He tossed the cell phone back to Yuffie. "Did you try calling it?"

"No," Yuffie said, staring at the screen.

"Then… call it."

"But Leon!"

"What, Yuffie?"

"I…" She looked longingly at Leon. "I'm afraid of calling people."

"That's a lie," Aerith said, passing by with the cart. "You call me five times every night at midnight."

"But that's you," Yuffie whined. "I know you, but what if this is… like… a pedophile? Or a serial killer? Or-" She swallowed. "What if it's that Ansem dude?"

Leon burst into laughter. "Honestly, Yuffie," he said. "How in the world is a serial killer going to get a hold of your cell phone number?"

"I don't knowww," Yuffie complained. "I'm just scared."

"Yuffie, Ansem doesn't have a phone," Aerith said, reading the back of the box of instant mashed potatoes. "Believe me."

"How would you know?" Yuffie put her hands on her hips, pouting.

Aerith turned away, hiding the expression on her face. "I just… know."

Yuffie and Leon looked at each other for a moment, exchanging glances, and then continued on with their bantering.

"Just call, Yuff."

"Noooo. I don't want to!"

"Fine. Then I will."

"No! Leon!"

"Why not?"

"Because! What if they stalk or kill you?"

"Yuffie," Leon said, shaking his head. "They aren't going to kill me. Or stalk me. I'm going to be fine. Give me your phone."

"Noooo."

"Give it to me, Yuffie."

"Noooo."

"Yuffie. If you aren't going to call them, I will."

"But… but…" Yuffie looked down at her phone. Another text message was in. She flipped it open and read it. It said:

Dude. Srsly. Rxas is in big trbl. Wr in th cnnd food isl.

Yuffie stared. What did all of these symbols even mean? Was it code for, "I'm going to kill you," or what?

Yuffie looked up at Leon, horrified. "They're going to kill me, Leon."

Leon stared, then snatched Yuffie's phone out of her hands. He read the text message. With a confused look on his face, he began to dial the number and held the phone up to his ear.

Meanwhile. --

Axel's cell phone rang.

Axel groaned, and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Hello?"

"Um. Yeah. Hi."

"Who is this?"

"…"

"Hello?"

"This is. Um. Axel. Why, who's this?"

"Axel who?"

"Demyx, I swear to Xemnas, if you're prank calling me from the Barbie aisle again…"

"What?"

"Wait. Who's this?"

"This is Leon."

"Leon… who?"

"Leon… Leonhart."

Axel burst into laughter. "Leon Leonhart? What kind of gay name is that?"

"My name, funny boy."

Axel snorted. "Well, I suppose that explains a lot then, doesn't it? Now, what can I do for you, Mr. Leonhart?"

Leon sighed on the other line. "Look, supposedly my friend's been getting text messages from you. This is her phone. We wanted to know what you wanted."

"What text messages?"

"The ones that you've been sending, of course."

"I haven't been sending any text messages to you. I don't even know you."

"I know you don't, and I don't know you, but Yuffie's been getting text messages from you in strange code or something. Is there something you would like to tell us?"

"Yeah. Your fly's undone."

At the other end of Wal-Mart, Leon looked down at the fly of his pants. Oddly, it was undone.

"Look," Axel said from the other side of Wal-Mart, "I really don't have all day. My best friend is kind of in trouble, being attacked by fangirls."

"Ooh," Leon said on the other line. He understood Roxas' pain. Then he realized something. "Oh… so that's why you were texting us?"

"I wasn't texting you, buddy, I was texting Marluxia. …wait. What's your number?"

There was muffling on the other line. "555-1411."

Axel moaned. "Marluxia's number is 555-1311. Okay. Sorry for the inconvenience, Leon Leonhart."

"That's quite all right."

"Okay. Well. Bye."

"Bye."

Roxas ran past, fangirls following him. "Anything?" he shouted at Axel.

"Nope!" Axel shouted back. He flipped his cell phone back open. He needed to recruit. Like, now.

Outside in the parking lot…

"God, I hate this Gummi Ship," Zexion said, flipping his long hair out of his face and jumping out of the driver's seat. "It's so… ugh. I hate it."

He walked across the parking lot. "I hate gravel," he mumbled. "I hate parking lots. I hate the yellow paint crap they put on them. I hate handicapped park spots. I hate cars. I hate people. I hate Wal-Mart."

He headed through the automatic doors, ignoring the oh-so-cheerful Wal-Mart greeter.

"I hate running errands for Xemnas," he muttered, grabbing a cart. When all of a sudden, he heard nearby screaming.  
"NO MOMMY!" A young child yanked on her mother's pants. "NO! I want THAT! IT'S NOT FAIR! I want it!!"

Zexion rolled his eyes, and didn't think a thing of what was going on, until he met the miserable, angry eyes of the mother.

Which reminded of something.

Like the time he put glue in Axel's hair gel.

You know, for fun and all.

Which reminded him of something else.

That would be how much he enjoyed misery.

Which made Zexion think of something.

Maybe he didn't have to hate Wal-Mart at all…

Maybe he could use it for pure evil instead.

Cut to Zexion's hair flip and evil grin. Cue LOST intense background music.

Fade to black.

A/N: Oooooooooh, cliff-hanger. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that 'cause I surely did. I know it was short, but… I don't really care. xD So, yeah. Next chapter – Zexion's in the business of misery.

As if there wasn't enough chaos already.


End file.
